Gandhi's Autobiography - Buddy Wakefield

Gandhi’s autobiography is on my pillow

I put it there every morning after making my bed

so I’ll remember to read it before falling asleep

I’ve been reading it for 6 years

I’m on chapter 2

Gary Necci gave me a book when he left my house one time.

I don’t remember the name of it exactly

but I think it was called something like

“Kid, you are seriously Co-dependant”

He thought I might wanna flip through it and learn about that

I feel like it’s more important to finish Ghandhi’s autobiography first.

I keep forgetting to put focus on my to-do list

I keep forgetting to wander and have fun.

I know I’m transparent

but my insecurities are in the right places

so go ahead

have a look.

When I was a child I would chase my babysitter around the house

viscerally sounding out the end of the letter L.

llllllllllllllllLLLLLLLLLLL

…..llll

Have another look.

When will we own ourselves completely?

Tell me what it is you want me to own

and I will take it.

Damaged goods? You bet

Hit or miss?

No doubt about it.

Misses important social cues?

Yes,

I do.

I’m dirty underneath the light

pale on the backside of the bright

and feel a little bit stupid about learning a language when I see guy

because that guy…

so fast.

My best friend can speak 6 languages.

I still get exited that english took hold.

Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m doing my part on this planet.

Sometimes I read without paying attention

hoping everything will just sorta sink in so that

if I ever need the answers – like on a test -

my subconscious will somehow pull through for me

I talk too much.

If you see me being quiet

dont ask whats wrong.

I’m just practicing.

I often wonder if anyone died because of

the pencil I handed to a prisoner at San Quentin

He stuck it in his pocket.

The point it

there are things wrong with me.

There are things wrong with us.

But I do have the ability to split epiphanies with my face on demand.

Hold me like a birthmark,

awkward if you have to.

I wander,

so if you lose me,

don’t worry.

After the big tsunami

the only structure still standing in the wiped-out village of Malacca

was a statue of Mahatma Ghandi

I wanna know that I don’t have to fall

every time the sky opens up like a coin return

to change me

with it’s pudgy black fingers

tracing lines on maps

drawing circles around my blood

to show the scars here

in the shape of Ghandi on my pillow,

to show that I have been here before

and this is not the last time I’ve seen the light.

~ Buddy Wakefield