Gandhi's Autobiography - Buddy Wakefield
Gandhi’s autobiography is on my pillow
I put it there every morning after making my bed
so I’ll remember to read it before falling asleep
I’ve been reading it for 6 years
I’m on chapter 2
Gary Necci gave me a book when he left my house one time.
I don’t remember the name of it exactly
but I think it was called something like
“Kid, you are seriously Co-dependant”
He thought I might wanna flip through it and learn about that
I feel like it’s more important to finish Ghandhi’s autobiography first.
I keep forgetting to put focus on my to-do list
I keep forgetting to wander and have fun.
I know I’m transparent
but my insecurities are in the right places
so go ahead
have a look.
When I was a child I would chase my babysitter around the house
viscerally sounding out the end of the letter L.
Have another look.
When will we own ourselves completely?
Tell me what it is you want me to own
and I will take it.
Damaged goods? You bet
Hit or miss?
No doubt about it.
Misses important social cues?
I’m dirty underneath the light
pale on the backside of the bright
and feel a little bit stupid about learning a language when I see guy
because that guy…
My best friend can speak 6 languages.
I still get exited that english took hold.
Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m doing my part on this planet.
Sometimes I read without paying attention
hoping everything will just sorta sink in so that
if I ever need the answers – like on a test -
my subconscious will somehow pull through for me
I talk too much.
If you see me being quiet
dont ask whats wrong.
I’m just practicing.
I often wonder if anyone died because of
the pencil I handed to a prisoner at San Quentin
He stuck it in his pocket.
The point it
there are things wrong with me.
There are things wrong with us.
But I do have the ability to split epiphanies with my face on demand.
Hold me like a birthmark,
awkward if you have to.
so if you lose me,
After the big tsunami
the only structure still standing in the wiped-out village of Malacca
was a statue of Mahatma Ghandi
I wanna know that I don’t have to fall
every time the sky opens up like a coin return
to change me
with it’s pudgy black fingers
tracing lines on maps
drawing circles around my blood
to show the scars here
in the shape of Ghandi on my pillow,
to show that I have been here before
and this is not the last time I’ve seen the light.
~ Buddy Wakefield