The Keys - Seinfeld script excerpt

KRAMER: Because you see, George, having the keys to Jerry's apartment? That kept me in a fantasy world. Every time I went over to his house, it was like I was on vacation. Better food, better view, better TV. And cleaner? Oh - much cleaner. That became my reality. I ignored the squalor in my own life because I'm looking at life, you see, through Jerry's eyes. I was living in twilight, George. Living in the shadows. Living in the you.


KRAMER: Oh, yeah. I can barely see you, George.

GEORGE: Alright, stop it Kramer, you're freakin' me out.

WAITRESS: Hi, are you ready to order?

KRAMER (moves over and sits next to George): Do you ever yearn?

GEORGE: Yearn? Do I yearn?

KRAMER: I yearn.

GEORGE: You yearn.

KRAMER: Oh, yes. Yes, I yearn. Often, I...I sit...and yearn. Have you yearned?

GEORGE: Well, not recently. I craved. I crave all the time, constant craving...but I haven't yearned.

KRAMER (in disgust): Look at you.

GEORGE: Aw, Kramer, don't start...

KRAMER (moving back to the othe side of the booth): You're wasting your life.

GEORGE: I am not! What you call wasting, I call living! I'm living my life!

KRAMER: O.K., like what? No, tell me! Do you have a job?


KRAMER: You got money?


KRAMER: Do you have a woman?


KRAMER: Do you have any prospects?


KRAMER: You got anything on the horizon?


KRAMER: Do you have any action at all?


KRAMER: Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?

GEORGE: I like to get the Daily News!

KRAMER: George, it's time for us to grow up - and be men. Not little boys.


KRAMER: I'm goin' to California. You know, I got the bug.

GEORGE: Yeah, I think I got a touch of something, too.

KRAMER: No, the acting bug. Ever since I was in that Woody Allen movie.

GEORGE: "These pretzels are making me thirsty"? That was one line! You got fired!

KRAMER: I know, I know, but man! I never felt so alive! Now, are you coming with me?

GEORGE: Uh, no, I'm not.

KRAMER: Alright, suit yourself. But let's keep this between us - we're key brothers now.

GEORGE: You're not really gonna go to California, are you?

KRAMER (points to his head): Up here, I'm already gone.